I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
