I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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