Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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