Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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