Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this just has baby written all over it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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