yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
