Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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