her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
