youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
