I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
