so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
