I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
