TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
BRING THE BAGELS
A bitchslap is in order.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
