So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
