pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
