genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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