I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
