Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
