Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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