Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
