The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
