i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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