he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize