that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
