im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
