I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
