i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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