I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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