JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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