There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
