first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
