before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
