Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
