how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
