you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
