So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
