Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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