Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize