my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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