my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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