I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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