my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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