I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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