i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
