You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
