you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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