Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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