I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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