the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
