idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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