Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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