I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
