Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
