Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
