His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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