Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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