Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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