did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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