Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
