Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
