Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
