I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
