totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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