took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
