Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
