What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
