is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
