The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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