Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
